I made an observation recently. I am a little bit less of a jerk than I used to be. Yes, it is good news. I am so glad I made this realization. (You have to be happy about the little things in life). And, of course, there is a story that lead to this realization.
Last Sunday, I was setting up the field at the park in Sayville for my Kids Run Long Island kids run fundraiser. I was placing cones and listening to my music on my headphones and feeling pretty excited for our run. A car drives up to me and stops so that the passenger side is next to me. It is a regular SUV, clean with no signs or stickers. I smile and look in and say a very cheery “Hi!” I assumed it was one of my participating families checking in to ask about the possible rain coming in later that day. The driver lowered the passenger side window and kind of leans over towards me. There is a woman in the passenger side closest to me. She says nothing. They are 30 to 35 years old. He is does not say hello. He just states in a very firm and direct voice “Do you have permission to close this road.” Now, I didn’t close the road but let’s not get stuck on the details. Without identifying himself, he then says, “Do you have a permit to be setting up in this park?” Again, his voice is not friendly but instead extremely confrontational. I am definitely stuttering. I am so taken aback by his tone and his aggressive assumptions that I didn't belong there. I say,” Yes, I am having a run here today. I have a permit.” (Later I kicked myself. I had a right to ask who he was before answering his questions. Why didn’t I ask him any questions!) He demands, “Show it to me.” The woman in the passenger seat now puts her head down. She won’t look at me. She seems truly embarrassed. I respond, “I don’t have it right here. I am setting up. I can get it.” He then states his next order, “Go get it, I’ll wait.” As I was looking at him at that moment, at his angry voice and his posture and the way he was challenging me as if I was lying without any information, I suddenly had this realization. I am brought to another time. I can see it very clearly. I suddenly saw myself in him. He was me! He was me 15 years ago. Wow! I was just like him. Before children, before Kids Run Long Island, before real life problems, before I became a little less of a jerk. I remember myself so clearly. I was the type of person who attacked first, and asked questions later. I would always assume everyone was lying and then have them prove the truth afterwards. I fought with many people – people I knew and complete strangers. I remember those confrontations. I remember feeling powerful over people. But then I got older. I had three children. And things changed…. quickly. I experienced love and pain, and serious sickness and real life scares. I saw other families suffer life changing traumas and heartbreaking challenges they would have to deal with forever. Having kids and getting older has changed my mind. It changed my ability to empathize and understand we all have a story and a different path. I became more understanding. I learned to support others and to not assume. It has lead me to create a non-profit and work with kids. It is the reason I have developed programs to get kids healthy. It makes me fall in love with all my little runners at the finish line of my kid races. And that is good and bad, but mostly good. On that Sunday, I start to move towards my car slightly to get the permit and suddenly he demands, “What organization are you with?” I respond, “Kids Run Long Island” (again, I am angry at myself later- why am I answering him so quickly like he is my boss!). He says something like “carry on.” He then hits the gas pedal and pulls away from me so fast you can hear the wheels squeak and his car is completely out of sight before I look up. I have no idea why that was enough for him to move on. He was gone before I could respond. Because I am a little less of a jerk, I will not be angry with him. I will try to understand that maybe he is sick of people setting up in the park without a permit. Or maybe he is suffering from a family tragedy or maybe he lost his job. And I will wish him a quick path to being less of a jerk. (It is a nice place to be.) Sometimes age lead us to being a little less of a jerk. Sometime, having children will lead us there too. For me it was probably both and I am happy to have found a place where I can notice the good and not assume the bad in people. (It definitely makes life easier and more fun.) And maybe he will get to the same place soon too! He was young. He has some time. I just hope he develops it by May 20th. That is when I will be setting up again for our kid race. Don’t worry - I will bring my permit!!!
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
January 2020
Categories |
Contact Information
|